On Death, and other things

So, it has been a while. Just the way things go, I suppose. My father in law passed away this previous Tuesday. He had been in ICU for two months. He went in with severe abdominal pain, which turned out to be a number of clots blocking the flow of blood to his liver. They performed emergency surgery, and it was touch and go for a while, with organ failure, but he did recover. All except for his lungs. He was 75 years old with chronic brochitis, and with his history of poor lung health, he just wasn't able to get off the respirator. The hospital tried to wean him off, and they were planning what rehabilitation facility to send him to. Until this past weekend, when the doctor leveled with my mother in law and told her that he would never live off life support again. In his will it very clearly states that he doesn't want to be on life support for more than 30 days, so the decision was easy. We held a family meeting on Monday to discuss the process and funeral arrangements, which was nice. Sad, but good to get everybody together and air all the feelings. I felt like we had a lot of the same feelings and thoughts. Arrangements were made to take dad off life support at 8pm the next day. Everybody else went to say their goodbyes right then, but I had to get back to my nursing infant. My family went the next day, and dad had been taken off most of his pain medication, so he could hear us. My 3yo sang him a song, and we all told him we loved him.
That evening I left my girls at home with a friend, and headed to the hospital, arriving at 7:30. My husband and his brother gave dad a blessing of release. Promptly at 8pm the Dr. came in to start the process. All of my husband's living brothers and sisters and their available spouses were in attendance. They took dad off the respirator slowly, so he wouldn't be struggling on in pain. That took an hour, and he was the same as he had been, sometimes grimacing, sometimes sleeping. Then, at about 9, they took him off the machines entirely. He opened his eyes wide, and seemed to be looking at something that wasn't there. I am a faithful church member, and I truly believe his spirit was preparing itself to pass on. Whether that was angels ministering to him, places his spirit had to visit, I don't know, but it was a very spiritual hour. Earlier in the day he had been unable to open his eyes, although he tried. Now he was focused and looking around, though not at anything in the room. His breathing became rapid and his pulse raced, as though he was running a marathon. At about 10pm, all that changed. His color left his face, he totally relaxed, and his breathing slowed to once every 20-30 seconds. I got the impression that his spirit had left at that point, and so did my husband. That it was just the mechanical part of his brain kicking his breathing reflex. After 10 minutes, he died. It was a beautiful and terrible thing to be there for, and I am so grateful I was present. I feel even more strongly now that the spirit continues on after the body dies. That our bodies are created by a Heavenly Father, and they are made to do what they do, even die. It was peaceful and very obviously a process. Right after he died, I was struck with the idea that all dead bodies look alike. That seemed a bit strange, but I think void of a spirit, they all take on a similar look. We were all able to stay for another 45 minutes, just being family, and end with a family prayer before we all went our separate ways. I thought the process would be really hard on my, as I have issues with death, but I didn't. I realize I don't have issues with death as much as I have issues with people being gone...
The funeral is scheduled for Tuesday. My husband will be helping dress his father at some point, and I have offered to write the eulogy. We'll see how that all comes together. We are planning a family Thanksgiving, which will also be interesting. I have a lot to say about that, but I don't want to right now. I also want to write about other events that have occured in the past two weeks (girl scout cookie sales, a girl scout camping trip, etc), but again, not right now.
I am tired of having to recount the story. Maybe I'll just direct people here. I know everybody is loving me, but the process of telling people about it is emotionally draining. Asking if we are okay, asking if it was expected, asking if my MIL is okay, asking if there is anything they can do. I really appreciate everyone's concern, but even having to answer questions about it is hard. Not because I fall apart, but it just makes me tired. I don't know.
Anyway, I am tired of writing about it, too. I'll write more later.